Anyone's Guess

On our counter sits a framed Peanuts comic strip that reads: "When life takes you for a ride, hold on tight!" Good advice in times like these.

We met with our doctor on Saturday to discuss what happened with our failed IVF. From that visit we learned that there is no explanation for my estradiol levels falling. It is a phenomenon that happens rarely to women going through an IVF cycle. It's frustrating for us and the doctor because we don't know what caused our problem, so there is no way to prevent it in the future.

That said, the doctor said we will be more "gun-shy" with our next IVF cycle and won't push our luck on follicles. Once we have 8-9 mature follicles or so, we will do the egg retrieval.

Hindsight, however, is 20/20. When we were doing our cycle, we decided to grow my follicles one more day to try and get more mature eggs. If we had triggered that night instead of the night after, chances are we would have been just fine and wouldn't have had to cancel our IVF.

We will keep you posted of when we begin our next IVF cycle.

Thanks for all your encouraging words and continuing prayers. We couldn't have gotten this far in our journey without each of you!

Estrogen Levels: Down...Down...Down...

My mom has said for years that I like to do things differently than everyone else: I was the only sibling to play on a sports team in high school, I'm the only sibling (as far as I know) that dyes her hair, and so far I have been the only child in our family to move across the country alone to begin a career.

That said, it should not surprise anyone that I like to do IVF differently than everyone else...

Up until yesterday everything was looking perfect. My Estradiol levels were up to 1726 picograms per milliliter (pg/mL). I had 6-8 mature follicles and another 35 or more that were maturing. They wanted me to have one more night of stimulating and antagonist injections to try to have 10-12 mature eggs before retrieval. We were getting so excited for the next phase in IVF.

Well, we went to our appointment and everything looked great. They did another ultrasound and we have about 9 mature follicles, 39 follicles total. We were elated! They ran some blood work and we were supposed to start our trigger shot last night.

Our doctor called later that afternoon and said he had some terrible news for us. My Estradiol levels dropped drastically down from 1726 picograms per milliliter (pg/mL) to 1290 picograms per milliliter (pg/mL). He said that his professional opinion was that we should discontinue this IVF cycle and try again at a later date. My jaw hit the ground!

Did I just hear him right? We had gone through all the shots and blood draws and for nothing? What?

As we talked further to our doctor, he explained that he was just as shocked as we were. He said that every year the clinic performs about 300-400 IVF cycles. He only has known of 2 or 3 times each year when the Estradiol levels drop so drastically instead of increasing. There's less than 1% chance of having this happen. Our doctor further explained that the prognosis for pregnancy was extremely low when Estradiol drops like ours did. We will be meeting with him later this week to discuss what our options are for the future.

So, yes, I do like to do things differently. We will see where this independent spirit of mine takes us on our journey toward parenthood.

Estrogen Levels: Up...Up...Up

We have two "To Do" lists on our fridge: one for Austin and one for me. Mine only has a few items at the moment. Written at the top of my list is simply, "Survive IVF!!!"

Since last Friday, we have been down to our clinic four times. Each time we go to take a blood test to check on my Estradiol (estrogen) levels and make sure the follicles are growing at a steady rate. According to WebMD, during a normal menstrual cycle, a woman's Estradiol levels range typically from 20-750 picograms per milliliter (pg/mL). This past check, my Estradiol level is at 958 picograms per milliliter (pg/mL). The levels are only going to go up from there. Poor Austin! I've come close to tears a few times this week over little things, but I am more just ornery than anything. I just want to curl up in a ball most days and watch movies. It's like having a souped up period with the cramping, bloating, and irritability but to the nth degree.

Tonight is our last night of stimulation injections before we begin the stimulation and antagonist injections. That's right, I get to begin taking two shots a night in my belly. The stimulation injections continue to grow my follicles and mature my eggs. The antagonist injections keep my body from ovulating (releasing the eggs) early before they can be retrieved. The ultrasound we had today showed we had about 30 follicles growing on one ovary and 20 follicles on the other. That's a lot of eggs to be released! The eggs will probably be collected on Wednesday, depending on future blood tests and ultrasounds. Then the real test begins....

Our nurse informed us that we are at an elevated risk for hyperstimulation because we have so many eggs that are maturing for collection. It can be a pretty serious condition if not treated right away. We have a great clinical team working for us to help things run smoothly, though, so I think we will be okay....I hope.

Some of you may be thinking by this point: "Is it worth it?" I still have to say "Yes!" The pain, discomfort, multiple shots and blood draws, ultrasounds, and one and a half hours one-way to our doctor multiple times a week are going to be worth it when we can bring home a baby. We have a good prognosis for becoming pregnant. It's something every girl dreams of: carrying a baby in her womb, feeling it kick and get the hiccups. The opportunity to experience that will be worth all this in the long run. We just have to survive until then!

Can You Feel The Love...

Let's set the mood: candles, soft music, dim lights, NEEDLES, and HIGH estrogen levels?!

This week the focus has been on increasing my Estradiol (estrogen) levels. We had our suppression check on Friday, and have been given permission to begin hormone injections. If you understand these particular shots, you will know my estrogren levels are now increasing day-by-day...Watch out Austin!

Funny story, I almost cried on Saturday morning when Austin was playing the Newsies soundtrack. I don't cry a lot, but I have a feeling this week I will need an extra box of tissues with me at all times:) It's strange to feel tearful and realize that the emotion isn't real but simulated.

Austin has been a wonderful nurse, however! He has been measuring and mixing my medications and giving me shots in my stomach. If your following our family blog, Austin was my barber last week, but has now turned into my nurse. I love you, Austin!

I Think I Think Too... Much

When a big event or decision is about to take place, do you ever find that you can't switch off your brain from over analyzing every detail? I know I do. I have been worrying lately about the IVF process. I am not having doubts in the direction we are heading, more in my ability to follow all the directions.

We went to the IVF class two weekends ago and it just blew me away with all the steps that are involved. I have successfully completed the first step: birth control. That was the easy part. This Friday I go in for my first appointment to check on suppression. I will be able to tell you more about that this weekend. If all checks out, we will begin our shots on Friday.

That is where my thinking too much kicks in. I have been having nightmares about my inability to keep all the medicines straight. We have a fridge full and box full of meds at home right now, just waiting to be used. During our class, we learned that we will have to mix some of our meds before we inject them. That scares me to death. I keep thinking:

What if I mess up? What if I can't get all the medicine into the needle and my hormone levels get messed up?

Okay, I'm rambling now. I'm just so nervous! It's a big investment and I just want to get it right. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to calm a racing mind?